Planning to enjoy the spring sunshine?
Hate to break it to you, but you live in Denmark, where spring is always fashionably late.
Meanwhile, your feed insists you should be “productive,” “wellness-maxxing,” and “main-character-ing” your way into the season.
We have a different suggestion. Come and sit in a dark room with strangers. Sounds cosy, right? The projector keeps you warm. The beer keeps you balanced.
Here’s what March looks like, depending on which corner of the internet you’re standing in.
LinkedIn Update
Now Hiring!
Competitive compensation package includes fun.
(No salary. Please don’t send actual CVs. Even our volunteers work for vibes.)
March 6 – WELCOME TO THE MOON (2025)
Position: Bachelor Party Risk Assessment Analyst
Seeking emotionally agile professionals capable of navigating escalating group dynamics and paranoia-driven workflow disruption.
March 8 – WOMAN AT WAR (2018)
Position: Senior Environmental Disruption Strategist
Independent operator with strong initiative and archery-based infrastructure auditing skills. Demonstrates proactive climate engagement and high solo execution capacity. ESG performance: extreme.
March 19 - TRUE STORIES (1986)
Position: Small-Town Cultural Integration Consultant
Seeking observant professionals capable of navigating mildly surreal civic environments with enthusiasm and minimal confusion. Responsibilities include parade participation, talent-show engagement, and strategic appreciation of eccentric stakeholders. Must thrive in joy-adjacent ambiguity.
March 29 (evening) - FIST OF THE NORTH STAR (1986)
Position: Post-Apocalyptic Conflict Resolution Specialist (Pressure-Point Division)
Seeking muscular thought leader capable of navigating desert-based power vacuums and resolving disputes through delayed-impact negotiations. Must demonstrate advanced stoicism and the ability to deliver final statements before stakeholder implosion.
March 31 - PETS (1973)
Position: Human Asset Acquisition & Containment Coordinator
Seeking discreet professional to oversee the ethical mismanagement of vulnerable stakeholders within a privately owned estate environment. Responsibilities include objectification workflows, controlled isolation logistics, and maintaining appearances in high-net-worth settings.
Facebook Marketplace
FOR SALE: Two Slightly Unhinged Action Masterpieces
Pick-up: Husets Biograf
Available: March 20
Price: One ticket (no lowballers, I know what I have)
Description:
Selling two Filipino action classics starring the world’s smallest secret agent.
Includes:
✔ Martial arts
✔ Espionage
✔ Seduction attempts
✔ A tiny motorbike
✔ Absolute commitment to the bit
Agent 00 (Weng Weng) works for Interpol. He saves the world. He does not apologize for anything.
Condition: Chaotic but iconic.
Reason for selling: Too powerful to keep at home.
Serious inquiries only.
FREE: Slightly Used Government Cover-Up
Pick-up: Husets Biograf
Available: March 29 (Afternoon)
Price: Free (suspiciously)
Description:
Found this mysterious 1947 aircraft situation in storage. Rancher included. Official explanation missing.
Comes with:
✔ Confused witnesses
✔ Missing time
✔ 1970s made-for-TV paranoia
✔ Strong “they don’t want you to know” energy
Condition: Unresolved.
Reason for listing: The truth needs a screening.
First come, first abducted.
Music Bingo Wrapped
You asked for the playlists.
We listened.
This year, you didn’t just watch films.
You sang.
Repeatedly.
Your loudest moment
Hard Rock & Heavy Metal
(Tenacious D understood you.)
Open in Spotify
Your timeless era
Classic Rock
From the 60s and 70s.
Denim energy activated during Almost Famous.
Open in Spotify
Your emotional peak
Anti-Valentine’s heartbreak anthems.
High Fidelity approved.
Open in Spotify
You moved between decades.
You survived guitar solos.
You unlocked full-chorus participation.
And now…
March 5 - SCHOOL OF ROCK (2003) + ROCK BINGO
Your taste expands.
From the 60s to now.
Metal. Punk. Grunge. Emo. Alternative.
New Rock Bingo.
Tickets are live.
We’ll see who really sings along.
Letterboxd Reviews Written at 01:42 AM
March 2 – GOLDEN GLOVE (2019)
“Smells like stale beer and bad decisions. I need a shower and maybe a priest. 4 stars because technically it’s very good and I hate that.”
Get Tickets
March 4 – A SERIOUS MAN (2009)
“Watched a man try to be decent for two hours and the universe said ‘no.’ Relatable.”
Get Tickets
March 7 – MAD FOXES (1981)
“Every time I thought it couldn’t escalate, it absolutely did. This feels like a dare someone actually followed through on.”
Get Tickets
March 26 – CLUEDO (1985)
“Tim Curry understood the assignment and then rewrote it three times. Everyone else is running to keep up and somehow it works.”
Get Tickets
r/CopenhagenAsks: What Are We Watching This Month?
March 9 – YUTURI WARMI
Post:
“Is there a documentary about Indigenous women defending the Amazon that will both inspire me and make me question capitalism?”
Top Comment:
Yes. And it’s powerful without being preachy. Also you will leave wanting to protect a forest immediately.
FREE SCREENING
March 9 – INVINCIBLES (2025)
Post:
“Any sports movies where grown men cry but pretend they’re not crying?”
Top Comment:
Yes. Ice hockey. Redemption. Family tension. Bring tissues but call it allergies.
March 11 – DOGMA (1999)
Post:
“Is it blasphemy if it’s funny?”
Top comment:
Kevin Smith explained Catholicism better than my confirmation class.
Reply:
God left us on read but at least we got Alan Rickman.
March 17 – THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY (2006)
Post:
“Looking for something emotionally devastating but historically important.”
Top Comment:
You will leave angry, sad, and politically activated. 10/10.
POV: You Thought It Was a Normal MONTH
March 16 – HANDS ON A HARDBODY (1997)
POV: You haven’t slept in 77 hours but you refuse to let go of the Nissan.
Get Tickets
March 18 – WOMAN IN THE DUNES (1964)
POV: You went on a casual field trip and now you live in a sand pit questioning existence.
Get Tickets
March 23 – THE LUNCHBOX (2013)
POV: You accidentally text the wrong person and it becomes emotionally significant.
Get Tickets
If Husets Biograf were on Tinder…
If you don’t know how to find your fellow cult enthusiast in the dating pool, we wrote you the perfect bio you can copy-paste into the dating app of your choice:
Husets Biograf
📍 Copenhagen
🎥 Underground Cinema
About me:
Old soul with strong opinions and a soft spot for cult classics.
I enjoy long evenings with strangers, intense emotional experiences, and sipping white russians.
I’m not like other cinemas. I won’t show you the same three blockbusters on repeat.
I will show you The Room and then ask how it made you feel.
My interests:
✔ Casual league bowling (there are rules)
✔ Audience partici…pation
✔ Casual rooftop football in formal wear
✔ Post-film debates in the café
✔ People who read subtitles
Green flags:
– You stay for the second screening
– You laugh at bad movies
– You don’t check your phone during screening
Red flags:
– “I don’t really watch movies”
– Being rude to volunteers
– Asking, “Is this in black and white on purpose?”
Ideal first date:
We meet at 18:30.
We grab a drink.
We sit in the dark together.